Week 29 Average Daily Wordcount: 2,105
Week 29 Total Wordcount: 14,738
March Total Wordcount: 59,194
Year Total Wordcount: 587,360
Words to go:
I know! I’m late with this update again! Again, I had this post written last week, but I haven’t had a chance to publish it until now. I’m sorry for the delay. I’m going to try to get back on track with my March Wrap-Up on Thursday.
This week didn’t go quite as well as last week. I’m still pretty much on track, but it was just a lot harder this week. Mostly it has to do with life stuff. I had a minor medical thing to take care of, plus I was having some extra anxiety over work stuff so I was just having a hard time focusing on writing.
There is something else that has been making writing harder this week and I’m not surprised to see it rearing its ugly head, but I’m still not happy about it.
I’m having doubts.
I’m having doubts that this whole Milwordy thing is worth it. Don’t get me wrong, I think Milwordy up to this point HAS been worth it. I’m just not sure that finishing out the remaining months will bring the same level of progress. I mentioned last week that I’ve come too far to quit, but is that really true?
I still have over five months to go!
I’m also having doubts about my writing in general and if this is a thing I want to keep doing. These doubts are nothing new. They come. They go. I know this. Yet still there is a part of me that doesn’t think that I will ever be a good enough writer to actually publish, so what’s the point?
That’s not to say that if I could never publish my work, it wouldn’t be worth writing at all. I enjoy writing. I would be happy to do it for fun.
But I certainly wouldn’t be trying to keep myself to such a regimented schedule if this were not in pursuit of publication. If I wasn’t hoping to write something good enough to publish, I would just write when the mood struck and be done with it. The idea of it is rather freeing, especially after seven months of writing to exhaustion.
But I do want to improve as a writer. I do want to be published. I do want to have other people read my work and actually enjoy it. I’m just having doubts that I’m ever going to get there.
I wish I could peek into the future. I wish I could know for certain if all this work was worth it or if I should just relax and let this be a sometimes-hobby instead of an everyday-pursuit. I can’t though, no one can. The future is unknowable. All I can do is keep moving forward and hope that I’m headed in the right direction. And even if I get a little lost along the way, maybe I’ll find myself somewhere even better. I won’t know until I get there.
What I learned this week is that stress is a creativity-killer, but then…we all knew that already, didn’t we?